As any of my loyal readers know, the name of this project stemmed from the way I would put Clara to bed long before Eloise was even born. She is, and always has been, a lover of stars. When Clara was learning to talk, one of the first things she zeroed in on was the concept of stars. She would look up into the night sky, point, and say “Stars!” And so, it came to be that each night when tucking her in, I would tell her that I love her more than all the words in all the books and all the stars in the sky. And then, along came Eloise. Anyone who knows our sweet youngest girl knows that she is a strong, independent woman who will not conform to anyone, for anyone. She is deserving of her own goodnight wish, and so she is loved more than all the words in all the books and all the waves in the seas. Still, as we grew as a family, there was more I wanted to say to them, more that I wanted them to hear before closing their eyes each night. I spent a great deal of time trying to think of the very last words they hear each night before drifting off into dreamland. And so, I channeled my inner Viola Davis from The Help, and I added some of my own. I hope that my message, and everything that goes with it, is received and ingrained in their minds as they grow from young children to resilient, capable women who know their worth in this world.
You are Smart.
My dearest girls, I know you’re still babies, but I have never been more sure of anything. You are smart. I see the ways that the wheels turn in your heads. I watch as you hang your heads upside down to figure out how a toy works. You are innately smart, which means that you will always be smart. But you also have to work to be smart. You have to commit yourselves to what you want to do, to who you want to be. So do it. Work hard. Set lofty goals and aim for them. You will experience failures, that is only expected. And it’s okay. You will make not-so-smart decisions. That is part of growing up, and arguably, simply part of living. Perhaps once you’re older, I will regale you with some of my not-so-smart decisions. The important thing is that you attempt to learn something from those decisions and eventually, you attempt to make changes as a result of those decisions.
You are Kind.
Your love for nature, for animals, for each other, and for me and your dad show me that you’re kind. We’re raising you to be kind, but it’s something that you already are. Being kind is something that you need to be keenly aware of. There are many people in this world who, unfortunately, tend not to be kind. This, above almost everything else, is the most important thing to be. Aside from being happy, I want you to be kind first and foremost. And I would argue that one cannot truly be happy by being unkind. Be aware of those in your life who are particularly in need of kindness and act on your awareness. If someone is being treated unfairly, stand up for her. If someone is hurt, help him. If someone is scared, comfort her. If someone attempts a mean joke with you, don’t simply go along with it. Push back. Be strong in your kindness. Include everyone, actively. Exclude no one, and be vigilant about this.
You are Important.
You are important. Your sister is important. Every person you meet is important in his or her own way. The world only functions the way it does because every person on Earth has something unique to contribute. As someone who is so very smart and wonderfully kind, you are the most important kind of person. I don’t ever want either of you to doubt for a second your own self-worth. I don’t ever want either of you to feel the need to keep from speaking up, or speaking out. I don’t ever want you to feel that someone else’s opinion or plan matters more than yours. You. Are. Important. I want you to learn about how your world works and I want you to make it better. I want you to fight for what is right, for what you believe in, and for those who feel like they don’t have a voice. And I want you to teach them that, just like you, they too have voices. They too are important. Your lives are valued and valuable. Don’t ever let anyone make you believe otherwise.
You are Brave.
If there is one thing that 2020 has taught me, it’s that we really never know what will happen in our lives. Fearing the unknown is a worthless way to spend one’s time. Even preparing for the unknown has proven somewhat useless these days as the unknown is turning out to be worse than we ever could have imagined. There are scary things that you will experience, whether directly or indirectly. We cannot control these things, and nor should we. We can, however, control our response to the things that scare us. I trust that you will both face your fears head on. You may be afraid to take a risk, but take it anyway. You’ll never learn what you need to learn or go where you need to go without taking a risk. You may be afraid to speak in front of a crowd, to join a new group or try a new hobby, to put yourselves out there. Will you mess up? Will you make a mistake? Will you get rejected? Maybe. Or maybe not. And so what if you do? Without bravery, you can’t grow into the strong, independent contributors to society that I’m raising you to be. So be brave. Unless it has anything to do with snakes. If it’s a snake, you drop everything and run.
You are Strong.
In your young lives, you have both already overcome more challenges than many of your peers. Clara, you have fought a million wars to get to where you are today. As you’ll someday understand, once you are old enough to read through this project, I often cried myself to sleep with the deepest of fear that you would never speak, make eye contact, display empathy, or form relationships with others. And today, before your fourth birthday has even arrived, believe me when I say this baby girl: all you ever do is talk, make eye contact, display empathy, and form relationships. But mostly, all you ever do is talk. The other day, you told me that Eloise had the “hiccups.” And I teared up because for the first time ever, you said “hiccups” instead of “hic-sups.” I cried because you’re growing up and on some level, I feel like I’m missing it. You, of course, thought I was crying because of Eloise’s grave condition. And you know what you did? You walked over to me, cradled my head in your hands, looked deep into my eyes, and said, “It’s okay, Mommy. It’s just the hiccups! It’s not serious. Mommy, Eloise is going to be just fine!” You are everything I feared you would never be and more. You march to the beat of your own, dramatic drum, a beat that is measured by your strength, grit, and determination. Don’t ever stop being you. Eloise, you, my dear, are just starting your own fight right now. Like your sister once was, you are deep in the world of a communication delay. I see growth, though slow, it is steady. Each time something falls to the ground and you say, “Uh-oh!” I know you will be just fine. If I’ve learned nothing else from being your mom, I know now that the Lape girls move at their own pace and not even I can speed you along. So until you find your voice, my sweet Eloise, we will use sign language, follow the advice of experts, and do everything that your big sister already prepared us for.
You are Beautiful.
When you look in the mirror, what do you see? When you see a photo of yourself, what do you notice? As women, you will someday realize the pressures put on us by society, by our peers, and by complete strangers who have literally nothing to do with our lives, to look a certain way and to present ourselves in certain ways. You will, at times, give in to these pressures; it’s nearly impossible not to. I only ask that you try your very best not to give in. Resist the pressures of what others say you should look like. There are many ways to be beautiful, both inside and out; the best way to emulate your beauty is to emulate your confidence. Be proud of your bodies, be thankful for all that they can do for you. Care for your bodies to be sure that they continue to do all of those things for you well into the late stages of your lives. When you look in the mirror, I want you to really look. Clara, look at those big, brown eyes. They came from me, who got them from her mom, who got them from her mom too. Those are the eyes that helped you choose pink as your favorite color. They help you play your favorite game, hide and seek. They dance about in your sleep as you dream your beautiful dreams. The moment I looked into those eyes for the very first time, I knew I would never be the same. Those eyes are beautiful. Eloise, look at those deep, blue eyes. They came from your Daddy, who got them from his Daddy. They will someday help you choose your favorite color, allow you to play your favorite game, and help you discover all the beauty that this world has to offer. Your eyes, ever so big, are the color of all the waves and the sea. And I love them even more than that; I hope you do too. Your eyes, whether brown or blue, are just the beginning of what makes you both beautiful. When I see photos of you, I see your smiles and I can hear your laughter. I see your dainty fingers wrapped around dripping ice cream cones or entwined in your dog’s fur. I see your strong legs carrying you across the yard at the speed of light, running from monsters or toward your bikes. I see your hair blowing in the wind, falling out of your pigtails, a reminder of all the fun you’ve had. I see the beauty of all this life has to offer the both of you. I hope you see it too.
You are Loved.
You are so, so, so loved. In my opinion, you are more loved than any two people have ever been loved in the history of the world. And while I know that there are countless parents out there who would argue differently, there is no doubt in my mind that no one has ever loved another person more than I love the both of you. You will sometimes struggle. Maybe you’re struggling to be strong or brave. Maybe you’re not feeling so smart, or even very kind. It happens. We go through low points in life, it’s part of being a person. But you should never, ever doubt that you are loved. I vow to always ensure that you know you are loved, that you genuinely feel loved. You could ignore all of the advice in this post (though I certainly hope you take at least some of it) and I will still love you. Your dad will still love you. The rest of your family will still love you. And I have a feeling, though I will ultimately leave this one up to you both, that you will love each other too.
