Someday soon, we all will be together if the fates allow. Until then, we’ll just have to muddle through, somehow.
A year ago, I was gearing up for an exciting and likely rather stressful few days. Eloise’s first Christmas, our first as a family of four! All the things were wrapped, all the parties were scheduled, all the treats were baked. We had gotten together with our great Auntie Ann to make the traditional almond sticks, where let’s be honest, I sat and drank wine while everyone else made them around me. I don’t bake. The girls had visited Santa where Clara refused to sit on his knee and Eloise was blissfully unaware of anything she should be nervous about. Our elf, Holly, had introduced herself to our family for the first time, and quickly became Clara’s best December friend. There was so much anticipation, as there always is, of finding the perfect gifts, wearing the perfect outfits, planning the perfect day.
It’s funny, but I can’t recall the specifics of last Christmas. They all blend together in a series of memories filled with family, laughter and terrible and not-so-terrible homemade yankee swap gifts. I don’t remember whose name I had for the family secret santa, nor do I recall who had mine, but I know we exchanged gifts after a delicious dinner. I know the girls ran wild with their cousins all day long and ripped open packages filled with toys they didn’t really need but truly loved. The day passed quickly and, before we knew it, we were taking down the tree, vacuuming up the pine needles, and packing up the santas and reindeer for next year. Christmas, 2020. Just like Eloise on Santa’s knee, we were blissfully unaware of what the world had in store for us.
Today, as the voice of Judy Garland and the smell of cookies baking fill my kitchen, I’m gearing up for a low key and likely rather stressful few days. Eloise’s first Christmas where she’ll actually attempt to open her own gifts, our second as a family of four! All the things are wrapped, though there are no parties scheduled. All the treats, shockingly, are still baked though! Last weekend, we got together over zoom to make the traditional almond sticks. Auntie Ann passed away a few months back, so we honored the tradition of my grandmother’s last surviving sibling by creating the greatest mess my mother’s kitchen has ever seen. Together with my aunt and cousins, we laughed about how terribly the recipe was written, and why it was so important we had gotten the lessons when we did. I actually made my own set, much to my dismay, but they came out delicious! Too bad I have no one to give them to this year… The girls did not visit with Santa this year, though it’s possible he may call them tomorrow if I play my cards right! Holly has been as cheerful and mischievous as ever, and she has been a constant source of joy and sleep deprivation all month long. There is anticipation, of course, but it is anticipation of quieter memories. As quiet as a four and one-year-old can be, anyway.
This Christmas will never be forgotten. It will not blend together with any of the other memories of yankee swaps and loud yet merry gatherings. I don’t have anyone’s name for the family secret santa, nor does anyone have mine. After going to bed at a reasonable hour on Christmas Eve for the first (and maybe only) time in their young lives, Santa will make his way to our home. (Thank goodness he was able to get his vaccination on time, because we’re baking a very special batch of cookies for him!) This year, the girls will run wild with one another and, just like in years past, they will rip open packages of toys they don’t really need but will surely love. Maybe, just maybe, the next few days will pass a little more slowly. We won’t have to rush from presents to coordinating outfits to jumping in the car. Christmas 2020. The culmination of a year that was unlike any other year we’ve known, one that we all pray is unlike any year we ever will know. I for one will spend my Christmas Day with a hopeful heart, hope for the end of this terrible virus that has changed everything we’ve ever known. I pray for the day that we all truly can be together again. I believe that the fates will allow just that, through the grace of God and the strength of science. We may think that we’ve muddled long enough, but it seems there is a bit more muddling to do. We will muddle through somehow until the vaccine has been administered to everyone. And though it’s incredibly difficult, I know that it’s the only way that we’ll be able to guarantee that next year, all our troubles will be miles away.
So, hug the ones with whom you’re able to be now. Call the others. And, have yourself a Merry Little Christmas now.
